hOwL

It feels so good to have taken a pause from the daily routine that is my volunteer work. At site, life, in a way, stands still, and I've come to the point int his experience where, generally speaking, i can predict what the following day will entail. Such monotonousness is something I've tried to avoid and escape for quite some time, which is one reason why i joined the Peace Corps in the first place. I thought by living in a different world from what i had grown accustomed to, I would have daily experiences that were new and exciting. But this simply isn't the case. As it is, life in rural Thailand is stuck in a routine of daily life. Only rarely dos the dearly held spontaneous moment arise.
The recent trip I look to Koh Pangnan was my chance for a break from this mindless norm. I got to meet completely new people with new ideas and stories to tell every day; I had the chance to do things again that i had never done before. But I also was able to see people and experience cultures from my past, specifically Tal and other Israelis that seem to invade Pangnan this time of year, which in a way brought new life to me and to my experience here. Being here, living here, I have a vague feeling as if something of who i was, something inside me that influenced me to initially come here and do this, became lost in lieu of the routine. This is not to say I don't enjoy work experience nor appreciate the work, which i do both...but i simply cannot comprehend the utter simplicity of living such a BORING, insipid and unchanging life!!! And I simply cannot understand lack of money or time as a reason...it is an excuse for those who vainly dream but have not the will to act. I am blessing to have my family and friends that always reminded me that i could do anything i put my mind to. And ever more so to never regret, but rather learn from all those experiences. All i know is that i can't live such a quiet and tedious life as those that i live amongst now. No matter what that means or entails.
I am sorry I left Pangnan, and the people i left there, for both the time i spent and the people i spent my time with there was absolutely priceless. What an absolutely phenomenal time it was there while it lasted!!! But is it is, as much as it has given me new perspectives and a feeling of rejuvenation, I, at the moment of writing this, am unsure as to how i feel about going back to site just yet. Once you live a lifestyle for so long, as mundane as it may be, you start to become comfortably numb to the whole thing and in a way, forget yourself. And now that I have woken up a bit from a long yet temporary slumber, it is difficult to be en route back to the life where i am simply not myself, nor can be, truly. It is frustrating to know that within a month, i will most likely return to my slumber...
But as it stands, that's just the way it has got to be for now. And I have to learn to cope with that, because it is only temporary, as everything in life is, and the eventual benefits of this experience, as tedious and mundane as it may be on a daily basis, will be great.